Why Won't You Just Admit It?

Why can't many women admit that they were doing the right thing, but with the wrong man?
See, a lot of times it is not that he is a bad man, he is the wrong man. In my case, the man I married would have made a marvelous boyfriend or baby daddy. He was a very attentive father. I trusted him to love, protect and shelter them. He would have made a great boyfriend too, as long as there was no responsibility on the table and all he had to do was wine and dine and romance; he's the man.

Who I was could not see who he was and his value or lack thereof, in my life. I felt we had to be married and would not accept anything less. This attitude, although admirable also blinded me from recognizing he was not was not HUSBAND material. Yes, he would cook clean, take care of the children. Yes, once he learned, he was very attentive to my physical needs, but he was not husband material.

I could have been taught how to recognize a husband, but I wasn't. I had no models for a well ran marriage. Even though I knew the relationships portrayed on TV were not real, they were where I got a lot of my ideas. Movies like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Carousel, Young at Heart, The Man With the Golden Arm, Mother Never Told Me and the Unexpected Uncle. 

I found myself identifying with many of the women who chose the underdog, the one everyone wanted to through away. I later discovered I did so because of how I felt about myself and I have a deep capacity for love. Even as a child, I felt love was the answer to all our problems in the world.

I was determined to do the right thing in my marriage. I stayed until I could not any longer and that was longer than I could have ever imagined. In reality, it took me 26 years to fully accept I was of no use to the man I married. I had to accept for all my smarts and knowledge; I could not help him embrace the wonder that was him. Nothing in my words or deed reached deep enough to spark true and lasting change. Yet, I was willing to forgive over and over again. It felt good to be able to do so as I was growing personally and getting real life, hands on training in loving a difficult person, forgiveness, and unconditional love.

Outside of the fact that I just didn't want to do it anymore and I truly believe God released me from the marriage, I probably would still be active in the marriage. That is just how strongly I love. It pains me not to be able to share my love with others, but I have come to truly understand that love don't love nobody. Sometimes you just gotta walk away and accept he was not meant for you.

A lot of women get hung up on being ashamed because they may have children or have spent a lot of money on him, whatever. We pick or allow ourselves to be picked by the wrong man because we don't know what we want. We need to spend more time in self-care, examining our wants, needs and desires. We need to figure out why we want what we think we do, only to find it ain't what we want at all.

If you find yourself in this situation, break away.  It doesn't make you a quitter. It doesn't mean you aren't lovable. It doesn't mean that you will be alone for the rest of your life.  It simply means he was not the one for you and you have seek God's will for life and the man for you will step into your path.

The Hoveround Man

Now, you get it! Now you fully understand. Good for you, but you gotta leave me along Hoveround Man. Yes, the man I married has begun hovering around my house. I came out the other day and he was sitting under a tree a few doors down with a stupid look on his face. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I told this man he was going to miss me when I was gone. How many times I did all I could to help him, love him, be there for him. It was never good enough.

It is not my fault you were unable to make the necessary changes to stay in my life. I gave and worked. I did what I was supposed to do and learned what I did not know. You on the other hand, thought marriage was just for you. You loved the benefits, but could not reciprocate and now you want to hang around my door, ring my phone and talk about how much you miss me.

I have paid the price for trying to do the right thing with the wrong man. You no longer hold any part of my heart. You were able to completely shatter it. I have thoughts for you and they are of well-being. I want you to win, still, after all we've been through. You winning at something in life would be glorious.

Instead you continue on these selfish rampages, turning everyone around you away. Please tell me? What have you done to better the life of another? Be honest.

The day you can answer that question I may have fifteen minutes for you. You are not the man for me. Accept it.