Not My Battle

Women need to wake up and accept their role in the destruction of their lives. We often want to blame the lack of a good man in our lives for the way our lives have turned out when in actuality, many of us spend too much time trying to do the right thing, with the wrong man.

When my husband and I spent time together, it was always quality time. Even though he wasn't formally educated, he was an intellectual in many ways. He did his best to carry on a conversations, but in the end he could only go so far. One thing for sure I knew, he was a person who suffered from deep loneliness, feelings of unworthiness, abandonment and neglect. As we progressed and I began to learn more about his past, I would encourage him to seek help, or to at least examine how these feelings are effecting his life in the present.

He would sometimes laugh it off, but mostly he would become angry and belittle me for delving into my feelings. He would often spout off how he would never do what was done to him. How he would be a different type of man and father. I watched him put forth effort in many ways. His own personality was so strong he was able to will himself into doing certain things that were contrary to what he was familiar with. Then, he would also mimic me. I noticed much of what I did became the standard. I saw how he was seeking structure and order and how I gave him the opportunity to choose it or not.

I knew I could not heal his loneliness. I knew it was not my battle to fight, but I did believe I was meant to love him, so I held on until all the good was gone. There was a price to pay, but a greater victory in the end. Now, I clearly understand I am not to engage in a relationship with someone who does not know how to love. I will never do the right thing with the wrong man again.

She Finally Gets It

My 32 year old told me, "I love you so much. You have taught me so much about life just watching you. At first I didn't understand about you and Jerome. You have been a model for resilence and patience. You have showed me you can benefit from waiting, that God will take care of things."

My children have long wanted me to leave my husband, but I knew what I was going through was bigger than what appeared to the eye. I knew God was working on me and my husband and that all I had to do was be patient. It wasn't easy. My children and some friends gave me hard time because they couldn't understand why I stayed. Now, they get it.

Now that they see how whole I am, how much God has truly blessed me, the arre also believers.

"Divorce him for what? You did the right thing."

A few years back she was campaigning for me to get rid of him. Now, she gets what I meant each time I responded, "It's not for me to control him. God will take care of him."

Even when I was in the midst of turmoil, in the back of my mind I knew God was in control and I obeyed. I am so glad I did. My children have praised me over and over and it feels great to know for a fact I have been a great role model for reslience, love of God and change. I have shown them it is never too late live  your life. I'ved shown them that just because someone does something horrible to you doesn't mean you have to treat them the same way. I have modeled the importance of being open and honest with yourself, first and foremost.

I am proud of my relationship with my children. They have blessed me greatly this year with their feedback. They make me feel like a good mother.