There is a Right Way and a Wrong Way to Love Somebody

I accept that I am a good writer and can move people with my words. It is rarely intentional. I have had several men approach me based on my Facebook post. Most have been very respectful, but there have been a few that have had no filter.

I often wonder what makes folk show their ugly side when initially meeting someone. What would make a man who has hopes to be with a woman, talk to her in a vulgar manner within minutes of a conversation? What makes him think he can do it and still have the women's attention?

You have to wonder are there women out their who find that type of talk appealing? are there women out there who led men to believe that degrading conversations are sexually arousing? I have had two such encounters. One of the men became a stalker. He could not believe I was not interested in him because he wanted to be with me. He had homes and cars and money and motorcycles. He boasted of this, even had pictures posted of the interiors of his cabinets and refrigerator.

Left me wondering, if I looked like I was hungry. He just kept talking about all this and that. Meanwhile, he couldn't walk two steps without having to take a break. Really. At this age, walking is about all will soon be able to do. None of those things will be of comfort when the wheelchair becomes your mode of transportation.

I don't know about other women, but I want a man who considers his healthy. Who knows how to love with his heart and is will to grow in love with another. A man who knows there is something greater than he, that supports his efforts good or bad, right or wrong. Someone with a high personal integrity and would never want to stoop as low to as to use vulgarity to get his point across.

We got a long way to go. Just know, there is little fun trying to do the right thing with the wrong man.

Too Old For Stupid Shit

Another problem women have in relationships is always trying to make a man give them what they want. They may withhold sex, treat him badly or refuse his phone calls. This is cool in your 20's and may spill over into your 30's, but damn by the time you get in your 40's you too old for stupid shit.

By the time most women are in their 40's, they have had their babies, did the Sally Homemaker routine, etc. So, more than likely if you find yourself looking, you are looking for a man who WANTS to meet your needs. This is not hard to figure out because he will explore and observe. He will ask questions and show interest.

If you have to hunt him down, or the only time you hear from him is at 3:00 a.m.; you know he ain't that into you. By the time women reach their 40's, there is a hope for some sense of self-respect and need for validation from within. Having to run a man down to love you is insane. And if you are doing it, let me be the first to tell you; you too old for stupid shit.

Not My Battle

Women need to wake up and accept their role in the destruction of their lives. We often want to blame the lack of a good man in our lives for the way our lives have turned out when in actuality, many of us spend too much time trying to do the right thing, with the wrong man.

When my husband and I spent time together, it was always quality time. Even though he wasn't formally educated, he was an intellectual in many ways. He did his best to carry on a conversations, but in the end he could only go so far. One thing for sure I knew, he was a person who suffered from deep loneliness, feelings of unworthiness, abandonment and neglect. As we progressed and I began to learn more about his past, I would encourage him to seek help, or to at least examine how these feelings are effecting his life in the present.

He would sometimes laugh it off, but mostly he would become angry and belittle me for delving into my feelings. He would often spout off how he would never do what was done to him. How he would be a different type of man and father. I watched him put forth effort in many ways. His own personality was so strong he was able to will himself into doing certain things that were contrary to what he was familiar with. Then, he would also mimic me. I noticed much of what I did became the standard. I saw how he was seeking structure and order and how I gave him the opportunity to choose it or not.

I knew I could not heal his loneliness. I knew it was not my battle to fight, but I did believe I was meant to love him, so I held on until all the good was gone. There was a price to pay, but a greater victory in the end. Now, I clearly understand I am not to engage in a relationship with someone who does not know how to love. I will never do the right thing with the wrong man again.