I accept that I am a good writer and can move people with my words. It is rarely intentional. I have had several men approach me based on my Facebook post. Most have been very respectful, but there have been a few that have had no filter.
I often wonder what makes folk show their ugly side when initially meeting someone. What would make a man who has hopes to be with a woman, talk to her in a vulgar manner within minutes of a conversation? What makes him think he can do it and still have the women's attention?
You have to wonder are there women out their who find that type of talk appealing? are there women out there who led men to believe that degrading conversations are sexually arousing? I have had two such encounters. One of the men became a stalker. He could not believe I was not interested in him because he wanted to be with me. He had homes and cars and money and motorcycles. He boasted of this, even had pictures posted of the interiors of his cabinets and refrigerator.
Left me wondering, if I looked like I was hungry. He just kept talking about all this and that. Meanwhile, he couldn't walk two steps without having to take a break. Really. At this age, walking is about all will soon be able to do. None of those things will be of comfort when the wheelchair becomes your mode of transportation.
I don't know about other women, but I want a man who considers his healthy. Who knows how to love with his heart and is will to grow in love with another. A man who knows there is something greater than he, that supports his efforts good or bad, right or wrong. Someone with a high personal integrity and would never want to stoop as low to as to use vulgarity to get his point across.
We got a long way to go. Just know, there is little fun trying to do the right thing with the wrong man.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Too Old For Stupid Shit
Another problem women have in relationships is always trying to make a man give them what they want. They may withhold sex, treat him badly or refuse his phone calls. This is cool in your 20's and may spill over into your 30's, but damn by the time you get in your 40's you too old for stupid shit.
By the time most women are in their 40's, they have had their babies, did the Sally Homemaker routine, etc. So, more than likely if you find yourself looking, you are looking for a man who WANTS to meet your needs. This is not hard to figure out because he will explore and observe. He will ask questions and show interest.
If you have to hunt him down, or the only time you hear from him is at 3:00 a.m.; you know he ain't that into you. By the time women reach their 40's, there is a hope for some sense of self-respect and need for validation from within. Having to run a man down to love you is insane. And if you are doing it, let me be the first to tell you; you too old for stupid shit.
By the time most women are in their 40's, they have had their babies, did the Sally Homemaker routine, etc. So, more than likely if you find yourself looking, you are looking for a man who WANTS to meet your needs. This is not hard to figure out because he will explore and observe. He will ask questions and show interest.
If you have to hunt him down, or the only time you hear from him is at 3:00 a.m.; you know he ain't that into you. By the time women reach their 40's, there is a hope for some sense of self-respect and need for validation from within. Having to run a man down to love you is insane. And if you are doing it, let me be the first to tell you; you too old for stupid shit.
Not My Battle
Women need to wake up and accept their role in the destruction of their lives. We often want to blame the lack of a good man in our lives for the way our lives have turned out when in actuality, many of us spend too much time trying to do the right thing, with the wrong man.
When my husband and I spent time together, it was always quality time. Even though he wasn't formally educated, he was an intellectual in many ways. He did his best to carry on a conversations, but in the end he could only go so far. One thing for sure I knew, he was a person who suffered from deep loneliness, feelings of unworthiness, abandonment and neglect. As we progressed and I began to learn more about his past, I would encourage him to seek help, or to at least examine how these feelings are effecting his life in the present.
He would sometimes laugh it off, but mostly he would become angry and belittle me for delving into my feelings. He would often spout off how he would never do what was done to him. How he would be a different type of man and father. I watched him put forth effort in many ways. His own personality was so strong he was able to will himself into doing certain things that were contrary to what he was familiar with. Then, he would also mimic me. I noticed much of what I did became the standard. I saw how he was seeking structure and order and how I gave him the opportunity to choose it or not.
I knew I could not heal his loneliness. I knew it was not my battle to fight, but I did believe I was meant to love him, so I held on until all the good was gone. There was a price to pay, but a greater victory in the end. Now, I clearly understand I am not to engage in a relationship with someone who does not know how to love. I will never do the right thing with the wrong man again.
When my husband and I spent time together, it was always quality time. Even though he wasn't formally educated, he was an intellectual in many ways. He did his best to carry on a conversations, but in the end he could only go so far. One thing for sure I knew, he was a person who suffered from deep loneliness, feelings of unworthiness, abandonment and neglect. As we progressed and I began to learn more about his past, I would encourage him to seek help, or to at least examine how these feelings are effecting his life in the present.
He would sometimes laugh it off, but mostly he would become angry and belittle me for delving into my feelings. He would often spout off how he would never do what was done to him. How he would be a different type of man and father. I watched him put forth effort in many ways. His own personality was so strong he was able to will himself into doing certain things that were contrary to what he was familiar with. Then, he would also mimic me. I noticed much of what I did became the standard. I saw how he was seeking structure and order and how I gave him the opportunity to choose it or not.
I knew I could not heal his loneliness. I knew it was not my battle to fight, but I did believe I was meant to love him, so I held on until all the good was gone. There was a price to pay, but a greater victory in the end. Now, I clearly understand I am not to engage in a relationship with someone who does not know how to love. I will never do the right thing with the wrong man again.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
The World's Standards
Should I choose to look at my past marriage activity through the eyes of the World, I would say I was a fool to have stayed. I should have never married him in the first place. On and on and in and out.
Truth is, I loved me some him and when it was right I was loving it up. Truth is, I ain't mad cause of what I didn't get, I'm mad cause of what I will never get again.
He will never hold me in his arms and wrap me so tight I can't breathe. Then, twirl me, (yes, part of the reason I married the nigga is cause he could pick me up and twirl me at almost 300 pounds),
He made me feel high the way he looked at me and like Beyonce' I used to love to kiss his face over and over and over again. Since we have been separated, I asked him what he missed and of course, my barrage of kisses was high on the list. I adored my husband. The legs I rubbed with pure Shea Butter and sure love, gone somewhere, thrown away like they never had any use. Oh, but I remember the warmth from them when he wrapped them around my body as he lay on my back and whispered in my ear. Willingly transferring his life force and I was oh so glad to receive.
But, no more. The World would have me miss those memories. Have me to believe I was better off without the man I loved. Anyway! I can't tell. No matter what the force to destroy, I went to and listened to the place inside me connected with the Universe and rode it out. After a while, I got it and I no longer had to trip. I knew I had to find someway to enjoy the ride and I did that.
Now that he is basically no more. I mean I really ain't trying to be funny be he looked like Jaba the Hut in a Pinned Stripped suit at his mother's funeral. This was a tall, handsome, two-legged man with both hands and use of his arms. He gave it up for the streets and women and having his way. When I look at him, I get what God wants me to do and to know. I see how I can help others understand that life is not all about getting what you want. Those are not the times you win. You only truly win when you share your love.
My husband told me he wasn't husband material. I didn't know what husband material was so I had no reference to question one way are the other. I just knew I wanted him and it felt right. Even when that thang was at it worse, it felt right. Mine was a covenant marriage. Baby, when I tell you God did it! Know and believe, trust and observe; God got me, and I got this.
So to the world? I owe you nothing. Not one damn thang. I paid my dues.
Truth is, I loved me some him and when it was right I was loving it up. Truth is, I ain't mad cause of what I didn't get, I'm mad cause of what I will never get again.
He will never hold me in his arms and wrap me so tight I can't breathe. Then, twirl me, (yes, part of the reason I married the nigga is cause he could pick me up and twirl me at almost 300 pounds),
He made me feel high the way he looked at me and like Beyonce' I used to love to kiss his face over and over and over again. Since we have been separated, I asked him what he missed and of course, my barrage of kisses was high on the list. I adored my husband. The legs I rubbed with pure Shea Butter and sure love, gone somewhere, thrown away like they never had any use. Oh, but I remember the warmth from them when he wrapped them around my body as he lay on my back and whispered in my ear. Willingly transferring his life force and I was oh so glad to receive.
But, no more. The World would have me miss those memories. Have me to believe I was better off without the man I loved. Anyway! I can't tell. No matter what the force to destroy, I went to and listened to the place inside me connected with the Universe and rode it out. After a while, I got it and I no longer had to trip. I knew I had to find someway to enjoy the ride and I did that.
Now that he is basically no more. I mean I really ain't trying to be funny be he looked like Jaba the Hut in a Pinned Stripped suit at his mother's funeral. This was a tall, handsome, two-legged man with both hands and use of his arms. He gave it up for the streets and women and having his way. When I look at him, I get what God wants me to do and to know. I see how I can help others understand that life is not all about getting what you want. Those are not the times you win. You only truly win when you share your love.
My husband told me he wasn't husband material. I didn't know what husband material was so I had no reference to question one way are the other. I just knew I wanted him and it felt right. Even when that thang was at it worse, it felt right. Mine was a covenant marriage. Baby, when I tell you God did it! Know and believe, trust and observe; God got me, and I got this.
So to the world? I owe you nothing. Not one damn thang. I paid my dues.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Pay Attention
People tell on themselves all the time. Whether consciously or not, they want you to know who they are; they just might not come right out and tell you. They want to see if you are paying attention. Men are great at taking advantage of their woman slipping. Sometimes they read our signals wrong, but most often they are right when they think we have little regard for who we are. A lot of time they want to see how much they can get and/or get away with. Depending on how much you do/or don't know who you are will determine how far they can take you.
We all know of a women who knew from the jump the man she chose wasn't right. But he had a few qualities she thought should couldn't do without, until she was ready to do without him. We have to know when we make the conscious choice to be with someone who we know is shady, our cloudy view will continue to lead us astray.
It is virtually impossible to survive doing the right thing with the wrong man without having a firm and solid relationship with yourself. You have to be strong enough stand tall in face of your feelings, emotions and desires. You have to be ready to fight for your life and know it is so true that love don't love nobody. The wrong man will challenge every belief you have because he has none truly for himself. He believes nothing but his own hype and the lies he has has fed to others.
Pay attention! Men and women. Men get choose the wrong women everyday and suffer until they can't anymore. Listen!
We all know of a women who knew from the jump the man she chose wasn't right. But he had a few qualities she thought should couldn't do without, until she was ready to do without him. We have to know when we make the conscious choice to be with someone who we know is shady, our cloudy view will continue to lead us astray.
It is virtually impossible to survive doing the right thing with the wrong man without having a firm and solid relationship with yourself. You have to be strong enough stand tall in face of your feelings, emotions and desires. You have to be ready to fight for your life and know it is so true that love don't love nobody. The wrong man will challenge every belief you have because he has none truly for himself. He believes nothing but his own hype and the lies he has has fed to others.
Pay attention! Men and women. Men get choose the wrong women everyday and suffer until they can't anymore. Listen!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Admit It
Seriously, how many times have you been with a man to get something you knew he could give you, only to not want him when you don't want what you wanted when you first met him, anymore?
What is the point of this blog?
I want everyone to be happy, especially women. We try so hard. Yes, as my guy TI put, we can be a "tad misguided."
The way we hinder this pattern of giving the impression of being loss is to become more self-aware. I know, you hate to admit that sometimes you are manipulative and that you lie and even steal just to get a stupid purse, or dress. It would be hard for me too to say, "Yes, I slept with him for some red bottoms."
Yet, until we face all the little dark places of the self, who we are at our best cannot shine through and yes, you will continue to try to do the right thing with the wrong man until you right your wrongs. It always comes back to us. We cannot change it, until we admit it.
What is the point of this blog?
I want everyone to be happy, especially women. We try so hard. Yes, as my guy TI put, we can be a "tad misguided."
The way we hinder this pattern of giving the impression of being loss is to become more self-aware. I know, you hate to admit that sometimes you are manipulative and that you lie and even steal just to get a stupid purse, or dress. It would be hard for me too to say, "Yes, I slept with him for some red bottoms."
Yet, until we face all the little dark places of the self, who we are at our best cannot shine through and yes, you will continue to try to do the right thing with the wrong man until you right your wrongs. It always comes back to us. We cannot change it, until we admit it.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Prime Example
Talk about a guilty pleasure; I watch Love and Hip New York. This issuation Miss Yandy has found herself in is way too familiar to many women throughout the country who are in love with criminals. You look up her story and find out she has been with this man maybe as long as nine years. There is no way she did not know he was shady.
Like so many of us, we think love makes it okay to be with these guys who are nothing more than modern day slaves, willing to give their lives up for a quick buck. Yeah, he was dealing top weight and making big cash, but now when he is needed the most, karma has comma' calling and it is time to pay the piper. She is a prime example of a woman trying to do the right thing with the wrong man.
She is smart, intelligent and capable. She needs to accept her role in the situation, no matter if it was only to "act" like she didn't know he was a serious drug dealer. Her net worth will keep her comfortable if she does not succumb to her emotions. She keeps lying to herself saying, "this is not what I signed up for."
Yes, it is. You got exactly what you signed up for when you had a baby by a criminal, becoming single mother. She needs to prepare herself for writing letters and posting money on his books. She better get used to traveling to see him and hope he ain't on lock down.
She needs to dry her eyes, but her big girl panties on and make a decision. Is you is, or is you ain't his baby?
Like so many of us, we think love makes it okay to be with these guys who are nothing more than modern day slaves, willing to give their lives up for a quick buck. Yeah, he was dealing top weight and making big cash, but now when he is needed the most, karma has comma' calling and it is time to pay the piper. She is a prime example of a woman trying to do the right thing with the wrong man.
She is smart, intelligent and capable. She needs to accept her role in the situation, no matter if it was only to "act" like she didn't know he was a serious drug dealer. Her net worth will keep her comfortable if she does not succumb to her emotions. She keeps lying to herself saying, "this is not what I signed up for."
Yes, it is. You got exactly what you signed up for when you had a baby by a criminal, becoming single mother. She needs to prepare herself for writing letters and posting money on his books. She better get used to traveling to see him and hope he ain't on lock down.
She needs to dry her eyes, but her big girl panties on and make a decision. Is you is, or is you ain't his baby?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)